and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
