Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
