I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
