I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
