shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
meet me or not, i'm out of control
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
