we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
