i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
