so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
