once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
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