i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
