I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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