margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
