There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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