I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Mom said you looked used
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
