Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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