people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Randomize
