hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
