I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
