So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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