There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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