Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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