Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize