I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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