So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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