Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
