I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
