Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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