It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
