I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
