You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
