Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
