They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
