Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
