I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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