maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
