wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Randomize
