I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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