Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
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