is your mom at the bar?
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Randomize
