She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Randomize
