a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
