I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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