By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
