he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Randomize