you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize