I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
