and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
