No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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