I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize
