She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
