let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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