matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Randomize