Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Randomize
