Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
