Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
