Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
