my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize