i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
