Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
