I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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