What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
