She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
