yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
