So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
