I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Randomize
